Motivation: "0"

I lay in bed this morning listlessly staring out the window. Glebe Road is within peepers distance and I could see the traffic crawling by as resigned commuters found themselves faced with another week of drudgery.

Faced with the knowledge that I too had to soon join their ranks so that I too could bring home the proverbial turkey 'bacon' (halal of course), I remained still and huddled under the covers. I commanded my feet no less than a dozen times to get up and start my morning ritual but the said appendages stubbornly refused to acknowledge any sort of dictations. My feet are clearly wiser than my brain.

After cajoling myself with all sorts of ridiculous bribes (i.e. shopping sprees, spa days, colonic), I found myself standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom considering my life. I came away feeling far more depressed than when I went into the bathroom (if you can believe it because I had thought I had hit bottom while in bed).

Getting dressed was a lackluster affair. I barely glanced at my jewelry armoire and my closet closely resembled a hurricane disaster sight. Ugh. Heaps of clothing everywhere, bags full of goodies that I never unpacked, shoes were still nestled in their tissue waiting, begging for me to take them out and strut around in them for the world to see. Instead I grabbed an old pair of shoes and struck out for work with another long drawn out sigh.

To be honest, even writing this post is painful. I mean my hands literally tingle and my wrists feel weird. Possibly the listlessness is coming from a total lack of food, it is after all Ramadan, but at the end of the day I think that 90% of my recent disinterest in everything (and everyone) around me is due to a severe lack of motivation. One can go through life being lazy and repressing ones motivation however to not have any sort of motivation at all is tantamount to tolling of funeral bells.

Don't misunderstand me Crickets, yours truly is not thinking of ending it all simply because I feel as if I don't give a flying F about anything. No indeed not. I just need to find my motivation, sort of how Austin Powers had to find his Mojo. So I'm going to go on a quest and see what I come up with. I have a suspicious feeling that on October 13 when I touch down in Barcelona International Airport, I may walk right past good ol' Motivation and by the time I return from my vaca, maybe Motivation will be sitting on the other side of me in the airplane, who knows.

Here's to hoping.