Did you guys know that it’s Secretary and Paralegal Appreciation week? Well it is here at my place of income (25 cents is tax deductible for those who may not be aware). So what do they do to honor us poor working slobs? Hold on to your hats when I tell you. They give us a 2 inch by 2 inch box containing roughly 40 blue and white M&M’s with ‘thank you’ imprinted on them, a breakfast where the partners serve you omelets and pancakes and a $10 gift certificate to Brueggers. Oh and the best thing, they put your name in a raffle where they give out such fabulous prizes as a 6 month membership to Netflix and a Yankee Candle gift basket.
Today as E=MC2 and I were on our way down for a bit of toxic air we ran into one of the HR Assistants who was carrying around what looked like a vase full of little papers. Clearly these were the raffle names and after unsuccessfully trying to bribe said assistant with cash (aka 1 dollar) we managed to get out into the warm lovely weather only to huddle up in a corner to bitch. E=MC2 was clearly not pleased with the fact that she had not yet been named the winner of any of the raffle prizes and declared them rigged. I, being the far more saner within the two of us, simply nodded in agreement. She then declared that she, E=MC2, would fashion a raffle of her own wherein she would be the ONLY winner. I said, “you should do that!” enthusiastically because as well all know one should humor crazies like her in case something snaps in their cranium and they decide to launch themselves at you.
Fast forward a half hour later or so as I sit in my office about to delve into my tuna fish sandwich, sour cream and onion potato chips and cold fountain drink stomach grumbling kicking up a ruckus when E=MC2 strolls in and plops herself down on my visitor chair clutching a white and blue coffee mug.
Her: Remember how I said I’d make my own raffle?
Me: Yes
Her: Well here it is. You get to pull!
Me: Oh goodie!
Her: *sticks out her hand which clutches a cup as an offering with a hopeful look on her face*
Me: *pulls a piece of paper and opens it while saying in excited tones* OMG I’m soooo nervous..maybe I won!
Her: It’s totally possible! *flapping her hands in excitement*
Me: *reads paper then looks at her with fabulous Academy award winning acting skills* OMG OMG you WON!!!
Her: *exaggerated gasp* What did I win?
Me: Partnership!
Her: *reaches out and grasps paper and gawks at her own handwriting* Wow, I won a partnership *proceeds to squeal in delight*
Me: You’re soooo lucky *envious sigh*
Her: Okay Okay, again!
Me: *pulls another piece of paper from cup, gasps and squeals* (of course I had to join in her delight appropriately* You won AGAIN!!! What are the chances???
Her: *also appropriately delighted and excited* What did I win?
Me: A Porsche!!!!
Come to find out that the other papers had such fabulous prizes as:
700 Yankee Candle gift baskets
1 Million Dollars
$750,000 Dollars (clearly the lesser of the prizes)
A lifetime supply of pens
And the list goes on...
I suggested that she ought to also put in ‘therapy’ as one of her ‘prizes’. She suggested that I get on mortgaging my home so that she would receive her Porsche.
*sigh* Yes this is how work is pretty much on a daily basis. Disturbing, no?
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2 comments:
Your friend E=MC2 sounds really smart, funny and pretty. Also, she has a really cool nickname. I bet she thought of it, because it's so smart and funny.
This is a good thing since the chances of me going postal and ending up on the firt page of Washington Post is pretty good.
**first**
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