A memory and message

Years and years ago...

We had anticipated their arrival for many months though it seemed so sudden when they had finally arrived. She stood with her family looking at me unsure. I hadn't seen her much, not since she was a even younger than she was at that point. I can't recall exactly what age she was when she arrived but being 11 years older, she was nothing but a little girl. I loved kids so I took a shine to her and her older sister immediately.

I'll never forget taking her to Woodbridge Valley Elementary School. She had slipped out of the car, gripped her new book bag with all the new pencils, pencil box, eraser, ruler and anything else we recalled to be necessary, all the while looking petrified. She eyed the low lying brick structure with misgiving. I didn't blame her but reached out, took her thin hand in my own and gave it a reassuring squeeze as I talked on in enthusiastic tones about the new things she was about to experience and the new friends she would make. I wanted to wipe that look of fear out of her eyes.

Years later

She called and I picked up the phone immediately. I never missed her call if I could help it.
Her: I have to tell you something.
Me: *second of silence* You're in love.
Her: *clearly stunned* Omg, how did you know?!?!
Me: Cause, I did.

Years and years later...

When she drove away last night I felt a part of my heart grip. I wanted to reach out and take her hand again, squeeze it and give her some banal comforting words. There were none that I could give her that would qualify as comforting. Instead I watched her drive away, took a deep breath and went inside to finish packing.
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What words do you give to someone who you love unconditionally, want to protect fiercely but know you can not help? There is nothing more frustrating than this. I always get annoyed with my parents when they constantly breath down my neck as if I'm not the 35 year old woman that I am but instead am closer to 12. After last night I understand more clearly. No matter how old I am, no matter how old she is, she is to me what a daughter would be. I want to see the smile on her face that actually reaches her eyes, not just adorning her lips. Her laughter has left her eyes, instead there is pure sadness but oh god does she work hard to hide it.

Yesterday we were going shopping and a sappy song blared through the sound system of the car. I quickly glanced at her but she was looking straight ahead expelling a long breath that shook her slight frame. The sadness surrounds her. I hate it that she is. How do I fix this? I can't, I know this.

How do I help you dearest? Tell me. I'm here, always waiting, always with a hug and warmth and love but I can't keep you with me, I can't keep you close and protect you. I can't stop your tears nor the sadness that grips you. But if you know how I can help you, tell me, cause I want to. Cause I love you that much. Please know this.