Dear God

Make her better. Bring her back to me the way she was, whole and unblemished. Make the small little thing that grows in her go away so that every time I look at her, that's not all that I think of. Give her all the happiness you may have in store for me, and all of the bad things you may have up your sleeve for her, give to me, I take it all willingly with no complaint. I say this not out of desperation. I can't see her suffer with doubt and fright. Her fright, frightens me.

How is it possible God, that you have bestowed so much grief into such a small person in particular when that person weighs no more than a leaf? How do you expect her to handle it all? There has to be some sort of respite. How is it possible that you have bestowed upon her more pain than she's already had to endure in her life? When I gaze at her, I see the woman who she once was, beautiful, radiant, full of quiet confidence, bursting with a presence that is hard to ignore and an elegance I can never hope to emulate. So why is she a mere ghost of her self? As a child was I so blinded by my adoration of her that I didn't see tha she was always broken? Do you insist upon battering her down to nothing but a shadow of her former self who no longer has the will to go on?

Wasn't it enough when you took them, one after another, ruthlessly it seemed, leaving her gasping, twisting in the wind with nothing to cling? Wasn't it enough when you gave her a life full of hardship that would be unbearable to anyone else? Wasn't it enough that she feels alone, the weight of the world upon her shoulders, unsupported?

I'm angry at you God. I'm angry because you won't give her a break and I can't tolerate seeing her in pain. So please, give her the reprieve she deserves, bring a smile back to her face, make her laugh carefree again (though I'm not sure it ever truly was) and help her find joy in the smallest of things. Take disappointment away from her vocabulary and let her know that this life is glorious and that happiness isn't something she really has to work so darn hard for, but that in fact, she deserves happiness boundlessly.

Please Allah, just...please...

From you everdevoted, yet angry, servant.