1st Day of Ramadan

Yesterday was the first day of fasting. I woke up with a hangover. Is there something seriously twisted about this picture? I would have felt guilty or ashamed but the headache I was sporting drowned out any such inclinations (other than the urge to curse at fate). And cause my drunk ass had to take a cab home, I also had to take a cab back to work. What a pain in the arse. To me, this was just a bad start to the day and really, it only got worse.

I got a call from 'E' in the mornin' and we both sounded like hell. In fact I don't think we stopped asking each other in voices full of incredulity, "how the hell did we do that on a random Wednesday night?" I also emailed 'J' and (oh happy days) his email sounded as if he had been run over by a truck and was still lying by the side of the road w/tire treads on his forehead. Now I'm not twisted enough to admit (outloud) that I feel any sort of great joy in the fact that my friends were suffering as badly as me but as the great (and vindictive) ones say, "Misery loves company". And you know it was a good night when someone asks the day after, "Where were we last night? I can't for the life of me remember."

So there I was at work after having blown off the previous day completely sitting at my desk looking like complete death. Good thing my outter reflected my inner at that point. Colleagues would stop by my office, do a double-take, blurt out something flattering like "God you look horrible" or "Jeez what the hell happened to you?". There is no proper reply besides a one-eyed glare and a 'fuck off' tightening of the mouth.

I think eventually I ended up putting my head on my desk and passing out (getting to know the desk intimately really). When I woke up, I had a pen print on my cheek. Lovely. And of course all my anguish could probably have been dimmed with a good dose of any overthecounter medicine but could I take any? Certainly not, I was being a good Muslim (shut up to anyone who sees the hypocricy in that statement and wants to make a comment about it or is even now grinning/chuckling). I was supposed to leave work by 4:30, naturally D came around asking me to complete something for her before leaving. One hour later, I left feeling exhausted, grumpy, tired, starved and mean. I ran errands, went home, prayed and then paced.

I almost throw my neck out from looking at the clock. Why is it that whenever you anticiapte something, 5 mintues can translate into 5 hours? God those last minutes were agonizing as the smells of golden puffs of lentil dumplings and eggplants dipped into a batter of chickpeas with spices wafted towards me. Freshly fried samosa's sat on the table, the edges crisped. You could see the steam rising from them as they waited for eager hands to tear them open to reveal glorious spiced potatoes and onions sauteed together. Cool mint chuntey waited to one side, mango juice to the other. I had placed a date on each plate (The Prophet [pbuh] used to break his fast with a date).

I paced around the house, from the kitchen into the dining room (throwing longing glances at the food) right through into the foyer, through the formal living room, to the family room and back into the kitchen where I would hover next to my MIL. When it was time, we sat together. My poor MIL had lost track of the days and had thought that Thursday was actually Wednesday. Poor thing was devestated and so didn't fast. Her own sense of guilt also didn't let her eat. Anyhow, we sat together, my MIL and FIL but no husband (that's another long rant for a later date) and I broke my fast.

for any of you who have never fasted before. Let me just say there is nothing like that first bite of food. It can be day ol' crusty bread but it'll taste as if it's just come straight out of the oven. The way the foods flavor unfurls in your mouth, heightens your senses, makes you sigh...nothing like it.

So the first day wasn't bad. I'm glad that even though I've turned into a heathen in many respects, the basics of my religion, the way I grew up, is still with me. A lot of people ask me when they find out I'm fasting, "Jeez how do you do it? How do you sustain a whole day without any food or water even?" I always tell them the same thing, "When you've sinned as much as me, you look for ways of garnering extra-credit points into heaven."